Blog #8: Finding a Job is so hard :(

I want to give up. I dont know if I should make this post public or what.
after a few days or weeks, I may read this post again and laugh at myself.
but for now.... this is how I feel. I want to cry my eyes out :(.

I just had an interview with this company and the only company I want to work for.
this may sound embarassing but here it goes..
It was a panel interview which means theres more people interviewing you when usually theres only one.
I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and couldnt speak........ and when the interview was
over, my tears just started falling.. It was so embarassing. I tried to calm myself down and keep telling myself that I should stop. I didn't know why I was crying.. maybe because I couldnt speak? I couldnt answer the questions flawlessly as I planned? at that moment, I wanted to go out and cry myself to sleep out of embarrasment.

After the interview, they tested me and asked to do a little task with some papers and left me alone in an empty room, I was sitting beside the window and it was raining.. I didn't brought an umbrella with me and told my self... shit...

Inside that room, I was telling my self, 'why?? why cry??'
I knew that I screwed it up and never going to get this job anyways and just wanted to finish this papers as soon as I can and just walk out..

after a 30 mins or so, finally... (it was still raining)
and i'm out.. getting out of there feels like forever..
time to cry my eyes out... and nothing came out. huh?

walking home, I called my boyfriend..
and started crying after him picking up..
didn't really help to make me feel better T__T
walking down halfway, while crying, the rain became heavier.. I was soaking wet and felt crap.
got by the door.. and the rain stopped. thinking.. why me?? :( :( :(

and now making myself feel better by watching variety shows.
typing this.... and hungry....  honestly im not sure why im writing this. but.. sigh..
fine. I won't give up get myself together.. get some food.. and have a good laugh 
and i'll be fine.. (hopefully). I want to say more but im gonna stop now.
bye.

-me.